Is being soft a weakness?

WARNING: Random ramblings- if you don't want to be annoyed by the writing of a certain low esteem person, please turn back now!

So then, is being soft a weakness? First, my definition of soft: I dislike hurt; tend to try not to hurt more so than getting hurt myself. 

One example is when I am being offered something and I don't want that thing. I want to reject the offer yet... I can't bear to from just thinking that the person who offered will be disappointed... And when I think if I am the one who offered, do I want ppl to reject me? 

However, I know I was being naive to be thinking this way... There's bound to be rejections, be it whether I normally don't reject or that I try my best to convince the person to take the offer. 

B'cos it's either you at the losing end or me at the losing end and naturally, ppl themselves choose the most beneficial way yet I am the opposite; the self-sacrificing type. And this act of me has caused a lot of regrets in my life...

In this sense, I was like Kaneki Ken from Tokyo Ghoul. And the scene where Rise was talking to Kaneki in Jason Arc that being self-sacrificing is not an act of kindness but an act of weakness. And thus b'cos of that, Kaneki's love ones may die from that. 

And well, I do understand the different degree of kindness and there's a limit that one should go before he/she is too late and regret it for life... Yet it's also easy to misunderstood kindness... 

Helping a criminal who is your family to escape is not an act of kindness or an act of destruction.-You're not helping; you're just prolonging the criminal's misery... 

Remaining friendly to the girl when you know the girl likes you and you don't yet you feel bad rejecting her, is not an act of kindness but rather, rejecting her upfront is a form of kindness for her to move on from this never-meant-to-be love.

I know all these differences yet as the saying goes, action speaks louder than words; I can't (reject) do it or that sometimes, I try to reject but I think I was too soft; not hard enough so the one who offered tried even harder to persuade me when in my mind, I know I don't want but actions are showing another thing... And when I think about it, I feel kinda... Annoyed and also pathetic of how bullied I was by these ppl who offered. It's like my kindness to try rejecting you, is being taken advantage of and I hate it. 

However, this is how the real world going to be and in a few years, I will be stepping into it. I suppose I should become more 'hard' in my approach to reject; b'cos it's either me or you who lose out- there's no way for the both of us to win. It's how selfish the world is...

Aside from this part of me being soft, (I think) it was after my JC that I try not to kill living things, especially insects that disturb me when crawling or flying near my work space... In the past, I did not care; see ants- must kill but now I just let them go or flick them off. Maybe watched too many cartoons or what but I was thinking of if I killed this ant that just happened crawling on my table when I am doing my work, wouldn't its family be sad? 

You must be thinking I am cazy(and I think I am, a little) but it's quite similar to the concept behind Attack on Titan. Just imagine yourself as ant and the titan being humans; It's similar but of course with much differences like how cos Titans are eating humans so naturally humans have to fight back to survive.(which is very different from the relationship of an ant to a human; ants are just annoying to humans)     

I carried on this belief that each living thing is unique and they have feelings, blah blah for a while until I realised that maybe I should just kill... It's like despite letting the ants off, they kept coming back to the pt I feel it is a little out of hand. And once again, I feel that those ants are trampling on my kindness to let them live and I hate it! While they mean no harm, when there are too many of them, the situation may get out of hand and to control it is to kill when you see one. 

Anyway, insects like ants and cockroaches are known to reproduce a lot and so, killing a few do not change much. And once again, it's either me or the insects at the losing end and this naturally does not have to think about. It's time I wake up.

Yet on the contrary, coming back to the topic; is being soft a weakness? I read stories where soft can be a good pt of a person yet they are stories which are in fantasy settings... I think being soft to a certain extent is fine but there are times one must be hard on things or else you'll regret for life.

And that's pretty much all my ramblings. Need to pen down after thinking much on this topic. There's no straight answer of 'Yes' or 'No' to the topic question b'cos the world is not black and white; it is grey. 

Will be doing my weekly update tmr. This post is just random ramblings~

This is Yaiji signing off, ja ne~

Yaiji~