Sleepless nights... Rejection... They just made my week sucks...

Hello again. I am back blogging to pen my thoughts down. For this week, I had been having sleepless nights since I just doze off right after I hit the sack- You can see how tired I was... For some reasons, homework are piling up for me... At first, I wondered why was I burning midnight oil just to finish these assignments and was freaking tired the next day in school when I did not have this problem the last term... Later, I found out that I had been so used to working during the holidays with no assigned work and the freedom to plan my time for studying, I put all my study plan first before my school work... And now?- I am having a hard time trying to get use to it and with time not by my side, I don't have much time to scold myself or anything but to move on and work out a study plan fast! My progress in studying is really slowing down!- That scares me a lot! Ugh... Will! Pull myself up and get working! It's the last lap! Don't stop now!(I'm getting mentally ill...)

Moving on, today I experienced the feeling of...REJECTION! Ngh...A knife just stabbed me at my heart upon the rejection...Before you made any wild guesses, it's not what you think; it's simply a rejection of a work I did... At this point, you'll be giving me the look and saying how naive I am... If you had read my previous other post, then yes, I am very naive to the point I don't even know how does 126(go figure yourself what it means...) even work until now but still feel bad just reading about it... Reason for my naivety?- No idea but I had the idea it is due to my ignorance... I tend to ignore so as to escape from cumbersome matters... One such example would be to look down while walking so as to not meet the gazes of the people I know... Sigh... I think I am straying off... Back to the topic, it hurts to see a work I did being rejected since it means that my work sucks... Literally... Indirectly, it implies that I sucks too... Sigh... Hope the correction made will not earn me a second rejection; my heart isn't able to handle too much of that... I wonder if this feeling of rejection at work is the same as that in love...

Lastly, I just realised that I can't maintain eye contact with someone for long... Shy, perhaps? Haiz... Maybe I should do some researches on this problem...

With that, I will be signing off now! Till the next time, ciao~

Dark~

Praises

Praises... They are words said by people to point out the good points of others. Naturally, anyone will like it. I am no exception but there is a little part of it that I still hate or rather fear. I tend to be a negative person; not giving myself enough credit... That's why I always take people praises as a form of gauge of how well I am doing. However, this is where the problem comes in... When people don't praise me, I take it as what I am doing still need more work, thus work even harder to get the results I wanted but...When people praise me, I started to feel that my hard work paid off and get a bit arrogant- And that's what I fear and also hate the most! I don't want to feel that way but somehow, when I am praised, I just feel that way and I hate myself for it... Sigh... Sometimes, I felt like telling my teachers not to praise me but that will be a bit weird...

Carrying on, if I feel arrogant, I'm worried that I get too confident in myself and let all my hard work goes to waste, in thinking I am doing very well in that particular subject but in truth, I'm sure it is just because the paper is easy... There's no way, me, an average student would be in the top b'cos I always screw up in the end... So, praises are nothing but an illusion- I want to tell myself that yet a part of me can't since it is not totally an illusion... It's true that I had improved a lot from a E grade to a B grade; a 3-grades-jump but I know myself that this isn't my best; I can do better... However, with all those praises... I can't help, being deluded by them... Sigh...

I know I am rambling but after this Friday's Chemistry lecture in which the HOD talked about the cohort's SA2 Chemistry results, the HOD mentioned those who gotten an A and a B... My name was there so it was a honor to be mentioned but I can't help feel shy about it and worst, me and one of my classmates were specially mentioned due to the huge improvement from the Promo Exams to SA2...I felt like digging a hole and bury myself away...

In addition, besides the fact that praises bring out the worst in me, it may lead to jealousy...Of course not to me but rather the others b'cos I have experienced such position where you heard the teachers praising the other students but not you... This isn't the first time but I guess I am a little competitive since I had somewhat pinpoint my own rivals and always look out for their marks when the teacher show the class' results... Haiz...     

Lastly, I'm worried I can't maintain my results... It will be a great disappointment like my physics that has dropped from a D grade to a S grade- a 2-grades-fall...Sigh... 

In conclusion, I like praises as much any other people and see them as the only thing that could convince me that I did well... At the same time, there's this fear that those praises would lead to my success to go up my head... In a way, praises are like a form love-hate thing for me; It's a very irritating thing yet at the same... It's what that tell me the good points that I fail to see when doing my work...

I hate hearing them 

Yet I still need them

It's a frustrating matter 

But that's how I am,

A being with contracting desires

Who choose to believe in them

Even though they are nothing

But sweet coated words...

>This is a short poem that I thought of while blogging (right now)... It does not rhythm well and the words used do not really reflect much of the truth... Just something I happen to be able to do (right now) With that, I'll end off now and get back to studying! Seems like I had once again ramble a lot... Sigh... Till then, ciao~

Dark~

The feeling of guilt...

Hello once again. I am blogging again to pen down some thoughts... This time I am talking about the aftermath of my SA2. Though I've not gotten all papers back, I, who took the exams, do not need to really see the results to really know how well I'll do... Like I said in the previous post, I gave up one of my subjects and now, every time I have lessons on that subject, I can't help feel guilty...

Reasons? First, I know I did not prepare well enough... Next, I let my subject teacher down...And, lastly... I just went against my own motto of trying my best in everything I do... Sigh... Even though I got back two of the papers that I am confident I would do decent on, I know the results I gotten were not my best; I could do better but I...I don't know when did I stop trying my best... Maybe I am getting worn out but that's an excuse... It's the last lap already...I have to give my best shot and then enjoy in the end. 'Isn't that the end I want?' I asked myself that... I think I still am weak...Letting my emotion take over me... Right now, I could only await for my other papers back and hope for the best...

It's weird that I know that I would not be happy with the outcome yet I still choose to give up... People had always said giving up, running away are so much easier than facing it... That's why sometimes I just choose the easy way out even though consequences will haunt me later which I am now experiencing... Sigh... As much as I felt guilty about my attitude, I need to pull myself and start working again! Never lose heart and carry on doing my best!- That's something I decided to follow after my SA1 which I did my worst... With the short time left, I'll do my best and live my life to the fullest!

With that, I'll sign off now! It's nice to write down my feelings and thoughts to let me reflect! I'll end off with two music video, My Hands by Leona Lewis and New World by Charice. Both are the English theme songs of FF XIII and FF XIII-2 respectively. Both are awesome songs one should not miss out if you're a hardcore FF fan! Some short info: if you don't know, there is another sequel after FF XIII-2, called Lightning Returns and come out in 14 Feb 2014! It's a PS3 game and not PS4 so rejoice PS3 user! Can't wait for it's release! Till then, ciao~

My Hands by Leona Lewis
 

New World by Charice

Dark~         

One-shot manga drawn

Hello again! As said before, I'll be uploading some one-shot manga I drew while bored from studying. Well then, here you go:
Before you read, some info:

TITLE: The price to pay
CHARACTERS: -Tamura Sakura
                           -Sawada Geo
                           -Takashi Shiro
                           -Kuro 
OTHERS: -Working Device
                  -Shiro's Device; Aestron

BACKGROUND INFO: Story set on the idea of the existence of magic and mages, and that magic is part of people's daily lives that without it, the people may be able to adapt... Unfortunatly, in the near future, a virus will infect all who practise magic and slowly killing them... To prevent this crisis, all mages have their memories associated with magic to be erased, whether they like it or not... Because of this, only a few mages were left to be the few remaining mages to protect this world...

Page 1

Page 2

ARTIST'S NOTES:
This 2-pages one-shot manga was drawn in response to one of the scenes I thought of, for one of the MGLN fanfics that I had planned out... The background info is similar to the plot of the fanfic.

Basically, Sakura and Shiro are like a couple but because of that virus, Shiro did not have a choice but to reset her memories and as well as his friends like Geo and chose to be one of the few mages left to help this world, thus the reason for the 'work' there... To do that, he underwent some alterations to first be able to use a magical device and next, be an emotionless being(when the device activated)... Sakura, who forget everything, didn't know and neither did Geo, hence the confession thing happened with Sakura giving Geo a chance and Shiro listened to the whole thing... Kuro is like a small voice in Shiro's head that talks to him when needed to renew his resolve and keep him sane...

That's about what this one-shot manga is trying to say... This idea comes to me when thinking about how a person's sacrifice for another, was never known to the the person whom the person sacrificed for... I like this type of action, not because I'm a sadist but the fact that I want to have that kind of strength; the resolve to be able to sacrifice anything for the sake of someone... About the artwork...I am a bit lazy to add the shadow... The confession part is a new experience for me to draw in which I found easy to imagine but hard to draw it out...The hugging part was the worst, following the girl's hair...(I really am bad at drawing girls...Sigh...) The manga was kind of rush since I think it should be 3 pages long but in the end, I cut many parts to make it 2 pages...Once again, lazy to draw more... Quality of the photo of the manga was bad because I took them at night...Sorry about that...

Moving on to the last one-shot manga that I'll upload!

TITLE: The hand that could not reach

ARTIST'S NOTES:
This is my first time colouring a manga with my copic markers... It wasn't well done with the colours being a bit unmatching...Even so, it's a good experience of how colouring a manga with copic markers is! About the story...It's as the title said, the main character want to reach out to his loved one but can't because...(that's up to the viewers to think! I'll not say much) All in all, this is another scene from one of MGLN fanfics that I've planned; it's different from the one I mentioned above...

That's about the 2 one-shot manga I did while bored... The manga I did are based on the scenes I intending to include in my fanfics... Wanted to draw Fate and Nanoha as the characters in the manga but...On second thoughts...I had enough of drawing them in the Project-BDay; drawing them a second time... I've uploaded these two manga to deviantart! You can find me as shade1995!

With that, that's all now! I'll end off with a sharing of a beautiful song I found not long ago!

Song:  Exec_Cosmoflips by Kokia

Till then, ciao~

Dark~   
                                             

Part 2 special: MGLN Innocent_DUEL 08 Review

Without much to say, here's the chapter review! Enjoy!

Fate's kawai smile!- I think I just melt from seeing this!(Insert fan girls' screams...) Glad to see Fate smiling more and even brighter in this AU!

I've a feeling that Alicia is coming up with something...Just realised this is Alicia being seen in her uniform(?)

Yunno in his Ferret form!- Seems like in this AU, animals can talk even though magic does not exist in real world...

The arrival of the...Chibi gang! Chivi and Chibi Yuri flying in front with Petit lord behind! (So Kawai!)

'Mission accomplished! Ferret Yunno captured completed!'  

Introducing Yuri with Steyn the cat!

The chibi gang sure is cute! Haha poor Yunno!

Next comes Linith! Not in her familiar form which I prefer more!  

Moving on, we have Precia and Fate bonding time! Wish this Precia was in the original storyline!

If only Precia was this caring in the original story then she wouldn't have so many haters...Though my hate for her grew to sympathy after watching MGLN Movie First...

Nice PreciaXFate bonding time before the 'husband' Lindy comes to get Precia for something...PreciaXLindy! Though wonder where is Chrono...Not going to appear?

Back to some disscussion...Look closely at Fate and Alicia at this picture...

And at this picture too...

It would seem that Fate and Alicia are wearing the same outfit but in different colours! Twins are really just amazing alike in so many ways! A bit of NanoFate moment...

Overall, this chapter should be about coming up with a team name for something(a competition or a tournament?) since the title is 'team name'. Some intro to characters like Yuri, the chibi gang... The best part is the PreciaXFate Mother and Daughter bonding time!-Wish this actually happen in the original story though if the story wouldn't come into play...

Note to all readers: the pictures posted are not the full chapter since I mentioned previously that I'll only upload those significant(in my opinion) parts so if you think the pictures are not in order, it is not an error because I didn't upload them...Also, if any of my comments posted sounded wrong or anything, it is cos I can't read japanese; I'm commenting based on the pictures... 

With that, this is the end of the 2-parts special! Hope all like it! Till then, ciao~

Dark~

Part 1 special: MGLN Vivid_Memory 50 Review

As promised, this is part 1 of the 2-parts special! Enjoy!

Chapter cover, featuring Einhart and Seiglinde together (I think this is another possible pairing though I support VivioXEinhart more...)

Fight between Lutecia and Fabia starts though it is kind of one-sided...(Lutecia's smile sure is creepy-Mental note: never mess with Lutecia cos...)

She'll bash you and before you knew it...

It's over with Fabia being binded up...Didn't know Lutecia ia this strong! She didn't even put on her barrier jacket...

We move on to see the situation with Victoria and Corona plus the other captured girls...Seems like the attack by Luctecia on Fabia, had somewhat stopped those black mob attacks...However, that is far from over...

Because at this time, if you let your guard down...

You would get caught in those explosion...Hope Victoria and Corona plus the other captured girls are fine...

Seems like Fabia has an adult mode too...(I think this 'adult mode' thing is kind of the new trend in this manga... So far, we've Vivio, Einhart, Rio with that mode and now...Fabia too?!!! Though I must say, there's not much change in her look except her overgrown chest...)

Lutercia in a pinch!!! Is this the end?

Fear not, Einhart to the rescue! Like a knight in shining armour!

From the back, "this is the payback for making me naked!"

"Take this! FALCON PUNCH!"  

Here we see Seig, still in child form...Not sure if this Fabia's spell or she like the others, have that 'adult mode' thing...

Feeling not so good for both Sieg and Fabia though Fabia looks weird cos...

I'm sure she was going to faint but somehow found the energy to 'stand' up again and fight... Though the odds are two; Vivio and Einhart against one; Fabia...

To sum up, this chapter showcased Lutercia's magical combat skills and introduction to Fabia's adult mode...Though I can't help but stressed that fights in a library is a BIG NO NO! Look at all the books being destroyed in the process of those fights...Hope this magical library has some back-up or magic that could undo all damages done to those poor books... Wonder if Yunno will get upset when he sees this... Hope Hayate and Nove come soon to help since Fabia's mob and herself are proving to be a little problem to the girls...What is the fate of those girls?-Find out in the next chapter!(Though I may not be uploading...)

Note to all readers: the pictures posted are not the full chapter since I mentioned previously that I'll only upload those significant(in my opinion) parts so if you think the pictures are not in order, it is not an error because I didn't upload them...Also, if any of my comments posted sounded wrong or anything, it is cos I can't read japanese; I'm commenting based on the pictures...   

With that, this is the end of the first part! Look forward to the next part that I'll be uploading soon! Till then, ciao~

Dark~

Time management problem and 2 parts special!

Hello there, it's been a while since I last blogged, given the exams I have after the long June break... Yesterday (sort of) marked my last SA2 paper. In a way, I am taking this time off to reflect a bit... As the title suggested, I'm reflecting on my time management problem or my ability to think far... First step is always to plan a study plan and that what's I did before the holidays... However...As much as one planned a plan, whether he can carry it out, is another thing... There's the phase that said, action speaks louder than words- I can't agree more to that phrase... Thinking the long break is enough but how wrong I was and everything planned didn't go right... Sometimes, the plan planned may not go the way the planner wants; it is just like life with its ups and downs along the way... Because of my lousy planning skills, one of my SA2 paper is going to suffer... Sigh... (This is so screwed up...)

Enough about the gloomy part! Time for some updates! Recently, I found out that one of the bookstores I went to, does import the japanese magazine, コンプエース! The best part is that, on the week the newest edition came out, there was a 20% off! I decided to buy it and like the last few previous posts, I am spliting my uploads into 2 parts; first part will be MGLN Vivid: Memory 50 and Second part on MGLN Innocent: DUEL 08! After uploading once, I think I will just post the more significent(in my opinion) parts of the chapter than the full chapter...(it's actually quite time consuming and tedious, especially the taking-photos part...) Without further ado... Some intro:

Cover of コンプエース 2013 08月号 which comes with a free gift of MGLN innocent fan!

Back cover of コンプエース 2013 08月号; seems like WS cards for Certain Railgun S are coming out!

Cover of the free gift, MGLN innocent Fan

MGLN innocent Fan(not opened yet...)

MGLN innocent Fan, featuring Fate, Nanoha and Alicia!

 With that, look forward to the 2 parts special and maybe late in this week, I am going to post some one shot manga I did while being bored from studying...Heh heh...Signing off now! 

Dark~