But just when I thought I could get out with a few more steps, I was thrown back; with the light still there and visible but further from me...
I kept telling myself, "press on; it's just a few more steps to the goal!"
However, I do not know, when did a few more steps becomes a thousand mile...
At one point, I just want a rest and not think about it- which are the times when I end work or during the weekends...
But the constant, daily life of going to work reminds me that I am still in this hell and I am never getting out of it...
Unless I switch(to another 'hell'...?) There is this uncertainty that I may gain something if I stayed long in this hell and all these that I am going through are just the trials...
People think working in the company(that I am working in) is a blessing yet I think as hell; so I thought maybe I don't belong there...?
People said you should find a job/work that you will like since working gonna be part of you for a long time...
But just thinking that the pressure to meet demands of the people from doing what you like, it may just turn what you like to what you hate... Which was why as much as I want to venture into art industry(or choose art in University), the chance of me hating the art stopped me...
It's a huge conflict that I'm lost as to what I want... People said to build your career from young but how do I when I don't even know what I want... And, I hate working or rather the concept behind working...
Sigh... As of now, I don't think I will last long but I will try last at least until my probation(which is 6 mths) Tbh, I like to try last till the end of the project but with my current mental and emotional state, I doubt I have the motivation or strength to last that long; especially if I'm lost as to what I am doing in life...
All these negative thoughts are affecting my work performance; I would come to work and stare at the computer while hoping everything just burn away and leave me alone...
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Just a bit of art update:
YohaRiko 30-themes challenge is slowly progressing; currently, at day 20~
^At this rate, think I can finish before the year ends~
Oh and I never did say but unlike ChikaRiko, I imagine YohaRiko more in fantasy au...
To me, ChikaRiko has more of an emotional feel, thus most of the themes are based on realistic situations... And, I tend to think of myself as like Chika^^;(maybe cos I can relate much to her...?)
While for Yoshiko/Yohane, I can relate a little to her, in terms of her wanting to be unique, special... But that's it.
Her as Yohane persona is a little hard to relate but I don't dislike it; instead I grow to like it>^<
And, maybe b'cos of that persona, I think more of the fantasy au for YohaRiko...?
Regardless, it's fun drawing YohaRIko(XD) As of now, I had already done...
- Fate Grand Order_servant AU (day 2)
- Shoujo kageki revue starlight AU (day 5)
- Witch & Familiar AU (day 10)
- War AU (day 12)
- Ninja AU (day 13)
- Fate Grand Order_master AU (day 15)
- Ghoul AU (day 16)
- Phantom Thief (day 20- latest~)
Beside the different AU, a small series of manga was started; with day 9 as first part. The second part is day 17. I think I will end the series in another one or two parts...
That's all then! Until next time, this is Yaiji signing off!
Yaiji~
