I had been repeating the same story to my close ones to know their thoughts on the situation... Because no matter how much I think this is how it is (in life), I could not accept it and it is eating me...
The story is based on my job where I am tasked to do this work that is part of project deliverables.
Before been occupied by the task (where I was just collecting data), my colleague (who is in the same project) wanted me to run some experiments for a research paper (that was rejected and my colleague wants to resubmit and with better write-up). I agreed since it was a small amount of experiments to run (before the amount turned big...) and I was not busy with my task yet.
Then, my supervisor had requested to put the collected data in a format that I was not familiar with. As such, I was more occupied with my task to not only learn the format but put the data in that format.
For this request, I could not work on my colleague's stuff. My colleague wasn't happy about it.
In one of the meetings, my supervisor said the deadline of the deliverables is extended and my colleague sees this is as an opportunity; to actually ask my supervisor to pause my work for a week and continue working on running the stuff for the research paper.
And, my supervisor approved.
At that moment, I felt annoyed and frustrated, thinking that my work was less important than my colleague's work which was not even part of project deliverables...
Before this moment, my colleague had a discussion with me, expressing the frustration over the the lack of progress in the research paper (since I was occupied with my project deliverable and could not run the experiments).
The words used at that time felt so much worse after knowing my work was paused; "I would like to move on to do other stuff". It felt so selfish that I felt like saying back; "so do I" but I wasn't gonna burn bridges, despite my close ones saying such bridges are not worth protecting...
The first few days of working on my colleagues' stuff were full of frustration that I tried hard to let it go but the frustration just came back ten-folds.
It was later in the week that I just resigned to my fate with the thought that if this pause caused me to not deliver in time, this pause shall be the reason. (Been the person I am, I would use this reason as the last resort...)
Once that dreadful week ended, I was finally able to resume my original work and luckily, it didn't take too much time to grasp the requested format that my supervisor wanted and I was able to put the data in without issues.
^I thought that was it and this was a bad episode of my life. Until... My supervisor mentioned that the extended deadline was only applicable for the work of another project member and the deadline of my work remained the same.
I was stunned and to make it worse, my supervisor only mentioned it this week. (which is about 2 weeks before the deadline and the following week is a short week from the 2-days holidays).
Based on my task progress, this reveal wouldn't be too much of an issue until my supervisor told me that there was another project task that I am supposed to work on in this month (and that is about a month away from the original deadline).
Just this week, I only managed to write small part of the report for one of my 2 tasks. I still have to write report for my other task and expected to submit the report of the 2 tasks by next week (which is a short week of 3 days) for my supervisor to review.
Sigh. I do not know if I can make it, especially when the analysis for one of the tasks is not done yet and there is nothing I can do but try my best to meet the deadline...
I really hate cutting close to deadlines (I mean who doesn't) but when you have such colleague and supervisor, it is inevitable...
This felt like a death flag; it is really time for me to go- I was still thinking it's bad to leave while in project but with such project members or colleagues, I don't see any future in working with them tbh. And, though switching jobs may not mean that I will like it and it may end up in the same situtation (which I hope not) but at the very least, it is better than staying here, getting yourself invalidated...
The first step to look for a new job is hard but for myself (even though there were a few times that I felt that there is no meaning in life), I need to take that first step. Shall try to make use of the long holiday to get started.
That is all the vent I wanted to get it out.
It ate me for quite a fair bit during that period where I had to work on my colleague's stuff.
With that new reveal by my supervisor (of not extending my work deliverables), the memories of that horrible period came back and I just had to pen them down (before I go insane).
Before ending, I just like to mention that my birthday passed last month- It was nice; amidst all those unhappiness in my recent life!
Until next time (and I hope it will be an upbeat post next time)!
Yaiji~
