I had been thinking how was that I didn't treasure the time I had in my younger days... With so many assignments to do in University, I wished I had spent more time doing what I want in the past; especially drawing. I kept telling myself I always have time to do yet as time passes, I realised that the time I have to do my own stuff is during semester break(or maybe not with taking part time jobs to earn some expenses or going for overseas overseas...) Right now, as I see artists coming up with fanart, I can't help work on my thought-out manga idea yet I can't with so many work to do...
I suppose what I have chosen to study is really going to dominate my 4 years of life till I graduate... In a year, 80% of my time will be on my course(engineering) while I guess about 5-10% will be spent on my drawing...(The other 10% is on small stuff like watching anime, playing game, daily stuff...) Part of me kinda regretted not choosing art course yet... I think taking such course may make me dislike art... While I love drawing a lot(since it allows me to bring out my ideas), I doubt I like it as a job... Working on an art work with the freedom of time as compared to one who has deadline and specific instructions of how a piece of art work is to make-I would prefer working freely instead. For me, art is like writing, you need inspiration to make one piece and it is not something one can just do with knowledge like maths but rather with one's feelings, emotions. If one does an art work as instructed, that art work may very well be a good piece yet it has no 'life'...
That's just my opinion(at least I know I really can't do that) since each artist is different; there could be artists who still could put their souls into any drawings they are told to draw whether they like or not; b'cos this is how serious they are in art.
My belief is to always do my best in life yet I think I am an emotional person who though tell myself that I have to do this(Brain) yet fail to do or do badly depending on my mood and interest in that task(Heart). My brain and heart are mostly sending conflicting instructions and I'm sure I am not the only one but I really hate that yet if I really function based solely on my brain then I might as well be a robot; I am a human and (I guess?) it's normal to work according to one's heart.-The heart never lies in how one feel towards something.
So you can say the above explains how the other part of me is glad I didn't choose art courses. Even so I still dream of being an animator until I recently started watching Shirobako...
Shirobako opening 1: Colourful Box
It is an anime series about the production of anime or life in an anime industry? Just the first episode itself amazed me; still rmb the video I watched that showed a bit of anime production of an anime I watched.-The amount of frames animator had to draw really blow me off my mind and during my secondary school time when there was a showcase of how to make frames, it was boring to the pt I fell asleep while watching the animator did the frames one-by-one(it was only about 4-5 frames...).-I think cos the guy did the frames in digital yet I can't imagine myself repeatedly drawing one thing for about 32 times with different poses, expressions just for that one small portion of that character changing expressions or just simply running...
Watching Shirobako shows me how hectic an animator's life can be and from the blog write-ups about the anime industry, the amount of money paid isn't a lot despite how much overwork one need to do... However, being an artist, I always dream of one day to see my drawings come to life yet knowing this harsh truth just kinda shatters my dream a bit and make me see the reality that in the end... Society values more of the brain...
In conclusion, I shall stick back to working hard on my course and only draw when free or during my semester break. It is a little sad not to be able to draw as often as I could in the past but I have to think of my commitment to my course. I may not like science as much as art(from the amount of calculations to do but the experimenting part get me interested as much as making an art piece!), I had made my choice and maybe through this degree, get a stable job. earn enough money to pursue my dream career of an animator? (Maybe as I watch Shirobako, I would think twice about it...)
Well that's quite a fair bit of ramblings. I had been thinking of how little time I could spend time drawing and worried that the manga ideas that I am so excited about to do, will lose my inspiration in them... By then, to me, it means dropping off this idea which is a waste since I really thought of it real hard yet just dropped it cos I lost my inspiration; thinking how did the past me even think this idea was great...Sigh... I suppose I could only work on my manga idea during semester breaks but for small events like Love Live members' birthday, I will still make a fanart to 'celebrate'. On this topic, SIF EN Rin scorematch has just started. Hoping Jap event don't come too soon.(School's getting a little more busier with each semester...)
And so this is pretty much what I wanted to pen down and it is great to write while thinking through this. With that, I'm going to get inactive; maybe blog when the need to pen my thoughts or some random stuff I did. This is Will signing off, ja ne~
Dark~
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