A certain student's stress and ramblings~

For some reasons despite the fact that the CAs are over for one module that I am taking and I've cleared two modules as well, the amount of things to do did not change but rather it just increased... Actually, it is more like I felt pressured by the rush of work to do in a short span of time... Projects here and there where two of them are due next week... And then, there's presentation on the next week as well!- Stress right now that I'm having thoughts of giving up already...(Bad thoughts!!!)

Well, on the other hand, my calm side is telling me, 'one step at a time' which I won't deny is the best course of action right now; an individual can't do everything- he/she needs to know what are the crucial things to be done and not having the ideal thinking of doing everything... In a way, I felt like I've a lot of things at hand when in reality if I just choose the impt stuff to do first, it won't seem that bad.

Beside that, somehow this year seems to be testing my courage or something... More than once I am face with the decision to be brave and speak my mind out...BUT! I just can't... I mean I do but depending on the situation... In the end, the one that suffered is me... I rmb the phase that it's better to hurt myself  than others which Kaneki's mother(from Tokyo Ghoul) believed and I won't deny that I thought this way as well... If there's any trouble, it's better for myself to burden myself than letting others do or I would choose the 'run away' option to avoid unnecessary burden which sometimes end up regrets that I should have done something...
Hence, I try to act selfless. But that is in the past and now, I realised that humans are selfish; it is in our nature. No matter what we do, there will be a part that we do because of the benefit it brings. As such, I began to act what I think is the 'easy' way out; if I can choose the 'run away' option, I would choose that because if you can't help yourself, how do you even help others; my life is most impt and that's what I believed but you know? Though I believed that and acted this way before, I still can't get rid of the fact that...Deep down I am still one selfless person that don't want to burden the people around me and take up the burden myself, landing myself into trouble that I regretted yet still did it...

It's a conflicting side of me between how I act and what I believed in... I just can't bring myself to burden others if possible because the fear of not being needed is still a big weakness in me... I try to act nice and helpful so that people need me and try not to deny their requests of help so as to not to disappoint even though I know myself that I've no time to help... In a way, I find hard to deny people and it is the core of my regrets afterwards... Sigh...

I suppose that's all for now. Sorry for the ramblings...(Though I think if I am in a persona story, I guess my shadow will be pointing all these out to me...Will I accept then? Hmm...)

Oh yeah, here's a little encouragement(for myself and then to my friends as well):

PS: These two characters are main characters for a particular story that I may be working on for the chance of seeing whether my manga is up to standard...

This is Will signing off, ja ne~

Dark~