"It is irony, indeed..." and the silver mirror made today!

It is irony, indeed. Until now, I still feel that way. It all started during my mother language lesson... Today's topic was on love. Videos of touching scenes and different display of love were shown. Starting, it was fine but after that... I started to find it hard not to shed a tear or two.  It is irony. I was actually going to cry because of watching such touching scenes yet I didn't cry during my grandfather's furneral... Sigh... I think it is because I felt that I was indifferent from others when I didn't cry... Well, since the last time I cried after losing a competiton, I told myself not to cry. I want to be strong... Strong enough to be in control... That day, I thought I was strong but now... I guessed such emotions are not easy to control... They are like reactions. Under the right conditions and the right reactants present, they would react accordingly. It's a skill if one can be in control and I hope to master that!

Aside from that, during my cca, the members and I did an experiment of silver plating! Maybe it's nothing special about but to me, I enjoyed myself while doing the experiment and it was a great experience when the desired result was produced! It's like solving a mathematics question!

 

If you stare at it, you will be able to see me taking the photo...

Well, that's all for now! I think I will resume my projects after this year while I get more ideas from other stories!
Dark~

The beautiful sky...

Monday... Currently, my most tiring day of the week... And, I am tired, drained from the early wake-up, PE and the essay writing I had today... Sigh... Well then, on to the what I had wanted to talk about... As I mentioned, I had PE today and my class was having a pre-NAFA test... Don't know whether my brain got haywired or something but today, I noticed the beauty of the sky I had been living under. It was during the time I did my test to do sit-ups. The sun was glaring and bright but I still looked up with my right eye closed. It was then I realised how beautiful the sky was. And all this time, I never knew... Never knew the sky that I had been living under, was this beautiful! I guessed due to advancement, progression, our busy and hectic lives had somehow prevented us from appreciating the nature around us... If I had never saw, I would never know what I have been missing out everyday!

Moving on, my maths teacher let my class see our results for the test conducted last year. I had prepared myself mentally that I would get a D or a E but... Surprising, I got... An... A! How weird! For one, I did not finish. Next, I know myself that my answer had a high percentage of it being wrong but now... Seems like I am not giving myself enough credits... Haha... Still, I know myself that I still have a long way to go... That's why for the next test, I'm going to do my best as always and come out, confident that I have secured an A or a B!

Lastly, I think addiction to fanfics is a little out of hand. Well, if I did not find any good fanfic, my addiction would not start up but... When I did, I could not stop myself! It is like having a good book by your side and that you don't want to put it away until you finished as the story get even more interesting with each page, each chapter read! Maybe I'm a bookworm that loves stories so much that I can forget the time I am in! Stories are great fantasies that I loved to immerse myself in! In a way, you can say I am running from reality... Fantasies allow one's dream to run wild and that is what made me escaped to there from the stressed world I am in... It's a nice platform for me to imagine but at the same, it is giving me false hope; illusions in other words... What I read in books and what I experienced in the reality are total different truths... Characters in books always had a person whom I think is the what 'friend' means! While in reality, anyone you know well enough to know their names could easily become your frends and when they betray you, it's not a big deal... As much as I loved fantasies, the false images I imagine are nothing but mere illusions... Sigh...

Since I am on the topic of fanfics, some updates on my future projects. Apparently, my character designs for my male main characters and their partners are more or less done... Female characters are on the hold since I'm bad at it so researches are needed... My story, Dark Tale, is on the hold until I've ideas on my next chapter...(Can't wait to get first arc done!) Then, there's my fanfics! I've came up with 3 for persona series with Naoto as the main character for two of the stories and an own character type of story. Maybe I'm a crazy fan of persona series with Naoto as my favourite character but I really had came up three that may well be great if they were written! Due to my school life, writing of my fanfics and story will have to be on hold! It is only a year! I just need to endure until then! And, I know I can! Believe it! (If I don't, I would never!)

Dark~     

A broken heart... With a new TD to cheer me up!

It's been a while since I updated this blog... So far, my studies are still fine with a few difficulties here and there. (Well, what's life if it is smooth sailing?) Basically, I'm somewhat doing fine with my studies. Today's post is as what the title said. It all began yesterday... When my teacher required to see me regarding something... As a negative person, I took it the wrong way, thinking a lot of possible problems I had such as the recent chemistry test...( I confess... I didn't study much...) This somehow worried me until the next day which is today. The heavy, suffocating feeling only ended when the teacher told me his purpose to see me... And, that is my relationship with my classmates... I can admit that my interaction with my classmates isn't good... Why?- You may ask...Well, I can give one simple answer; our interests do not match... Their likes are different from mine... How they handed stuff is also different from mine... With different interests, it is hard to get along... I will try but the awkwardness in the air is hard task to deal with...

With that issue brought about, I started to question myself about friendship again and felt that... Fate sometimes really is a joke... It wasn't easy for me to find a friend I could talk with but due to circumstances, we could hardly see each other since we are in different classes, different levels... Next, my ex-classmates that I once considered as friends were having dinner today... Having the new phone, I could use whatsapp. I was happy at first but now, I wished I could shut it down... It seemed that I am still in a delusion... Friendship I see in animes and mangas are nothing but fantasies... Though I am in the group, apparently, I'm like air, no one see me... Even if my existence faded... No one knows... It is really a sad thing but when I think about it... It's kind of my fault for expecting too much and deluding myself in fantasies that were never going to happen to me... Maybe to others but not me... Sometimes, you just got to take the initative because no one going to do that to you. And that's how I got hurt in the process in believing I can test friendship by seeing whether they notice this invisble friend that was sitting at a corner, waiting for someone who truly notice her existence. I felt like crying but realised it was joke since I didn't cry when my grandfather passed away yet I am going to cry because of such a trival stuff? I'm really a selfish person, huh? Only caring for myself and not others... I wonder why my body reacted that way...Sigh...

Pushing aside the gloomy stuff, today's the day the two new cardfight vanguard trial decks (TD) are released in my country! (For those who do not know...) Cardfight Vanguard is a trading card game, in short, TCG where at least only 2 players are needed. I'm excited how this new TD will help me!  

Table in a mess while constructing my new deck...

Cover of the new TD!- Weird that it is Kai and not Ishida Naoki...

Dark~ (Such a matter is bound to happen so what matters is how I deal with it!)

Second week of school passed... I'm still hanging on but barely...

So yes, two weeks of school had passed but it seemed like a month had passed... All I had faced are problems... First, last monday, 14/1, had an embarrassing act of going to class late because of the lack of knowledge of change in location of the class... Sigh... Then recently, last thursday, 17/1... Got caught during hair and attire check because long hair- freaking embarrassing... It ruined my morning and my confidence level... However, as a saying goes, after a storm comes a calm. After the horrible days, Friday was the slightly better since I had no external activities after school so was able to go home early! But, the test will probably be only one that is depressing. Still, it was a good learning point that I have not studied enough.

In this week, I realised that the new phone was a double edged sword. It does help me in not usong the laptop much and I can get information easily by surfing the net... But... The phone turned out like my second gamng console... I finally understood why teachers advised to put away phones when doing revision; messages, whatsapp are one pain in the ass- I need to confess that. When the phone vibrates or produce a sound, I just can't resist the urge to go check out... Sigh... I guessed I need to deal with it before it went out of hand...

Aside from that, today, I just realised my formal way of speaking is getting people annoyed by it... Sigh... I think I got too obessed in talking that way that I didn't realise it has such a negative effect... This is partly due to me trying to speak like one of the P4 characters, Naoto Shirogane, since I'm planning to write a fanfic with her as MC... Thus, I try to put myself as her character to get a feel. I can now again understood why some people do not like her... The formal way of speaking, especially to friends, seemed to give off a stranger feel I guess... I kind of get it but... Sometimes, I don't want to offend people because if I feel that... Offending someone will lead to him/her hating me... Then, I would lose him/her... People called this person I feared to lose, friend but I beg to differ... This 'friend' is a confusing term... If I have to define it, I had no idea how to...
Lastly, my planned projects... Apparently, as the days go... I think I'll be coming out more, especially regarding the persona series fanfic I'm doing... Also, the manga I was working on, I decided to remake it. This will take some time so currently, the only project I am working on is my story, dark tale... Other than that, there are the characters' design notes for my story and manga... Like I said before, the projects will be on a hold or slow in progress since this is a hectic and busy year for me...

Well, these are the current updates of my life and work... Till then!^^

Dark~  

A week, seemed like a month... And the realisation of sentimental stuffs...

It's been a week or rather a week and 2 days since the start of school. The early waking up routine is slowly been adapted. However though, the seriousness is not there yet. There is some degree of it but not much which sucks alot...

Partly due to me, still in a holiday mood... Trying to change it before it is too late. Also my addiction is to be blamed... Spending hours online to watch video and read fanfics... Sigh...Another reason would be the environment of the school. Though it is an impt year, I don't see much people studying but rather chatting away... Well from what my observation which could be one-sided... Nonetheless, I need to get serious!

Like my teacher had said, 'giving your best shot is what matters! Be whether the results are bad or good! Because you had did your best with no regrets!' and that is what I truly believed in. This way, you would not blame yourself and regret after that. Regrets are matters that humen, no matter how many times they experienced, they would still have and repeated them again. That's why, in whatever I do, I tried to give my best! Because at the end of the day, I want to live a life with no regrets...

Aside from this matter, today I came to realised the importance of some things, stuffs. The things and stuffs mentioned, are referred as physcial things. It was during the time I was changing from my PE shirt to my uniform. During that time, I stared at my school bag and realised this bag though it is quite torn apart, it has been with me for 5 years... Before I knew, I realised it has sentimenal value that nothing; not even money, can buy it. This brings to me to realisation that things though have no feelings or whatsoever, they could become much more precious than living things. And, such importance is given by none other than ourselves; humen themselves! That's why, sometimes, given how worn out or torn the things are, people just could not bear to throw away...

In conclusion to this post, though it's been a short while in school, I had came into realisation of many things that I doubt I notice. With that I end here, given the time now...

Dark~

First day in school and just what I expected or maybe... not?

Today's the start of a stressful year ahead and boy, did I expect the first day to be a serious one. It's like coming back from June holidays...

Two lectures in the morning and I think I feel like staying back one year. I know it's a serious year and everything but... Oh well... I guess I sort of expected it... Then there's PE where my height and weight are taken. Never look, never ask because I'm afraid of the cruel truth... Then in the afternoon, it's tutorials. Physics was first and it was... You can say it's quite a relaxing session since it is all introduction and stuff. However, realisation really hit hard. A test tomorrow... It's fine if it's only one or two topics BUT the whole of JC 1 work? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Damm, I felt so unfair but what can I say, it was stated a few days ago but without any indication of topics tested... Ugh... Then you may be wondering... WHY IN THE WORLD AM HERE, STILL BLOGGING AND ALL? Partly I'm thinking this as sort of diary and the other was that I needed to vent my anger on the unfairness of how sudden tomorrow's physics test is! Though I understand, it is my fault that I did not study beforehand... My physics teacher just said good luck to us and told us that the main thing to matter is 'A' level at the end of this year. One of my seniors did say the same thing... BUT... Just looking at bad tests, exams results, even if they don't matter much in 'A' level... They still bring out a demolising effect on me... Because such results just show how lousy I am... Haiz... Besides that, my physics teacher also said that JC is hardest acadmic period of life. This sort of gives a type of...Erm... Motivation or rather encouraging to work hard since this is the hardest. It's like running a track and meeting a steep hill before me. Then there're the new teachers... Can't say for sure whether they're good yet since they've not really start teaching much but hoped my other two subjects; maths and econs will have the same teachers...

That's all then... Time to go revise my physics tomorrow... (Going to fail...Ugh...Just face it, Will... This is REALITY...) It really ruined my day... Can't even do other stuffs that I've planned... The phone- I'm still getting used to it so going to take some time... Sometimes I think I chose the wrong choice of even coming to TPJC or to even JC... JC maybe isn't suit for me...(Will! You had survived last year with will and determination because you never gave up no matter how hard the year was! So do the same because hard work always paid off!)

Dark~ It's like two voices talking... I'm having a little mental breakdown now... All the stress before though the real terror is yet to come...Damm...    

Last day of fun and... a new phone to accompany me to hell!?

Today is like my last day of holiday and school starts tomorrow which kinda sucks. Wonder how will my new teachers be... Hope they will be much better than worse! School starting means that projects will be going slow or on the hold since this year is one impt year. Well, that's one depressing matter and another was that, the japanese magazine, dengeki maoh that I intended to buy, could not be found in kinokunya... It is quite depressing since I was looking forward to the weekends because I thought I could buy it but... Seem like it is either sold out or not sold in the store. Going to try the mainbranch next weekends!(If I got the time...) Hopefully, there is!

Of course, depressing matters are not the only things that I exprienced. Today, surprising, I got a NEW PHONE from my father due to a change of fate. It's complicated but I guess I'm... Lucky? Anyway, the phone is a great one and look forward to using it! Though it's sad that I'm parting with my old phone, I think it's time for it to... Rest? Time for me to be a little busy; stuffs but not many, to bring over from my old phone to my new one. Since the brand is different, many other things need to be explored so like I said, looking forward to using it!

Well that's that. It's not much of a post since I think this will be one of the few posts I will be making before this blog is dead. Not to worry though; I'll post when there's time so techically speaking, it's not dead but rather in hiberating mode... Will post from time to time and that's all for today! Hope tomorrow'll be a great day!

Dark~ 

New timetable, new teachers... And my plan for the end of the year?!

Man, just looking at the timetable given to my class, I feared the start of school... I guess I just not ready for school yet since I am still in holiday mode... Sigh... Got to switch back... Besides a new timetable, my teachers are going to change... Got to deal with it then; hope the change is for the better and not worse... Again, I wondered how will I fare this year and how am I going to survive through the year. I know that in a blink of an eye, the year'll pass but the pain of going through... It is hard to describe since it'll be the same conclusion as last year; 'the year'll be a drag' but when it is reaching the end, 'time really passes fast...'.-An irony truth...In my current situation, I really can't imagine this year will be a fast one given the amount of stress I am going to put up with...

But still, I'm already thinking of what to do after this year... I sure am ahead of myself sometimes... People may say it can be my motivation to success but from my view, it seems like my escape from reality... I had thought of buying PSvita after my major exams and played Persona series. It is my dream to play after watching the anime and played P4 arena but I held back to only play after this year. It requires a lot of restrains to do that and I always did that to 'torture' myself so as to tell myself, 'success comes from hard work...' My success is like my endurance to play until the time is right. Self control at my age is hard but I try to achieve it. Then, there's the trip to Japan! Though I just went last year, I had grew attached to this country after my first trip there. The weather, environment, culture are all great and I don't mind living there if not for the language barrier. Look forward to it!^^^

 Hope this year will be an adventurous one! (I always envied those characters in games and animes; always having a fulfilling and adventurous life where everyday, there is something different... I wished for such a life! Wouldn't it be great that the world is like Persona 4 setting?)

Dark~

A New Year

1 Jan 2013- a start of a new year. It is also a hectic year, considering that I'll be having my major exams at the end of the year to get to Uni... Time really went fast. At the time I started my college life, I was wondering that the two years will be long but from the looks of it, it isn't. One year of torture and next year is the test... Kind of fast if you ask me...

This kind of worried me; I'm not quite ready for Uni or rather the working life... To say the truth... When I think of it, I'm not far from reaching that stage yet I'm not quite ready... Sigh... It is inevitable but still... I wish I can remain a child forever which is weird and an irony, considering that when I'm a child, I thought of becoming an adult but now... It's the opposite... Sigh... Oh well, when the time comes, just got to deal with it... Like one of the characters from Person 4, Chie, said, 'don't think, feel!' Though I must sometimes disagree, given how I am a science student. Logic should always come first before emotion in deciding something despite the fact I love art much more than science...

So, in a week , schooling gonna starts which kinda sucks yet at the same time, it is a good thing since I'm lost as to what to do and I feel guilty about it, groofing around... Not doing work does not feel natural for me... It just worsens my guilty feel of myself, wasting time... Sigh... That's all then. Gonna start my new year resolutions for this year! (hopefully I can achieve it!^^) Projects got to put on the hold or delayed as I focus on my studies!

Dark~ (Happy new year to all!^^)