Tiring but awesome learning exprience and work update

Originally, I wanted to post this yesterday but due to exhaustion, I decided to shift it to today.

Yesterday was a great experience for me! It is embarrassing to admit but I can't cycle prior to yesterday... As of today's world, it is almost norm to know how to cycle among teenagers and to be unable to do it... I find myself a little pathetic. (sigh) However, as of yesterday, I finally learned how to cycle!

It was a gruesome process as I tried to balance on the bike while cycling. It didn't take me long before I finally was able to cycle! BUT! There is a fatal flaw in my cycling skill and that is that...I can't turn. I can't turn while cycling as I tend to lean too much to the side I was turning to and ended up needing to stop the bike before I fall and hurt myself. Thus, the whole afternoon was spent in learning how to cycle and in the end the probability of me turning is less than 10 yet it is not completely zero. In a way, I've yet to get a hang of it but I am not a complete hopeless case! This week! I'll get it in this weekend! And then, finally one of my goal or dream to ride my own bike as my main transport will be achieved!

Moving on, update on my new manga. As of now, the manga is in phase 4 where darkening of the draft work is done and about a few more pages left to do. At the same time, phase 5 will commence for pages that had underwent phase 4!

Page 1 with phase 4 done plus a trial computer edit

Today, I find out my computer is able to edit the pages so I think I will type out the speech than write out. But there are some parts that I could only write out... From how the work is doing, it is hard to say that it will be done by end of march but I'll try my best to deliver it as soon as possible. After chapter 1 is done, I'll take a break (About one month's time?) before working on chapter 2. In the meanwhile during the break, I'll go and work on my Tales project which I kinda(?) neglected it...(awkward smile) Not to forget, please look forward to the monthly update of the project! This month will be Tales of Eternia!

This is Will signing off, ja ne~

Dark~

Is being an Introvert a bad thing?

Since young, I see myself as soft spoken and shy who can't open up to people easily... In other words, I can be said to be an Introvert. I dislike interactions since I will get all sort of inner thoughts like 'does he/she(the one I interacted with) dislike me or find me weird?' 'Ugh, I messed up. Now he/she will think I am like some weirdo...' More than the fact that I hate the crowds, I hate the fact that I will be hated by people and that... Will just simply end with me having no worth value. I don't have much self-esteem... I only have one wish, one dream, one goal. That is to get accepted and be needed by people. I want to be remembered and not forgotten even after my death. Somehow, not being needed seem worse than dying...

I still remembered a certain incident in my secondary school or middle school. I was shy; very shy that I find it hard to start a conversion... At that time, I was and am still a fan of manga. I saw a manga called vampire knight on my classmate's desk. I can't helped but stared at it, wanting to read it. I thought of asking that classmate of mine but... She struck me as a fierce person, thus I didn't dare to approach her; let alone talk to her... The whole day in class, whenever I saw the manga, I can't help but wanted to read yet pondered how to approach her. In the end, I decided to give her a note but... My inner thoughts came in, telling me, 'what if she think I am some weirdo for using a note when she's just sitting in front of me...' Hence, it was after school ended and my classmates are all preparing to go home. I give the note to a close friend of hers who I somewhat become acquainted during my orientation due to some circumstances that I still feel thankful. (Since if that meeting did not happen, then I wouldn't meet her. And then, I wouldn't have friends I have today!) The person I was acquainted(and is now my friend) passed the note and without much thoughts, she lend me the book and I was like, 'Oh gosh, it was that simple and here I was worrying so much...' Since then, my opinion of her got better as she wasn't that scary at all but rather a kind and gentle friend I have now though I still feel bad of a certain accident I had with her due to my haste...(Sigh...)

I don't know why, how but I think being an introvert isn't a defect but rather the society sees it as bad, especially in the eyes of the extroverts... I researched a bit on introverts and see their good points. It is not all that bad since introverts may just have some characters or personalities that employers nowadays can't find like being polite, respecting their elders and etc. However, like always, it is hard for introverts to present themselves and allow people to see them when they can't interact well. (Sigh...) Like one of the pages I saw and read, introverts have their own ways of interactions; different from extroverts. And they may have a few friends but those friends they have are close ones that they will be loyal to! Also, sometimes people only just see the surface, thinking introverts are anti-social when in reality, they simply interact less; much less then extroverts but that does not mean they don't interact at all. For my case, I interact when needed to. If it is on a topic I like, even if it is strangers talking to me, I'm sure I'll enjoy the interactions.

As a person who get easily swayed by comments, sometimes I force myself to do something I hate. There are times when I feel that I have a choice so why should I force myself? Forcing myself will bring no happiness yet... Another inner thought I have is that, if I use that excuse, won't I just be running away than facing it? That just simply stop my excuse and thus force myself even though my heart told myself not to while my brain says otherwise... In other words, I am in conflict right now as I have a group interview tomorrow. I don't mind an one on one but a group... It never crosses my mind. I just can't do it and then the conflict begins. This time...I wondered if I can be a little selfish...

Sorry for the much ramblings. With the interviews I have to do, I can't help but pen down my thoughts. In addition, there are the University application forms to fill in. It's kinda hard to keep my emotions in check. A little update: the new manga phase 3 is now done and phase 4 will start tomorrow which may last a few days.

That's all for today then! This is Will signing off, ja ne~

Dark~

An nerve-wracking experience and finally, structure of chapter 1 is done!

The day before yesterday, I got a call for an interview of a job I applied. I was trilled to hear this piece of news though that's just the beginning of my nervous spell... As much as I want to work and being called for an interview means that there's a chance I will have a job in a few days' times, I can't help but feel nervous about it. With no experience, I've no idea how an interview is like. As of now, the closest I can think of is that interview is like an Oral Exam. Even after going through a number of Oral Exams, I still feel nervous in having a face-to-face interaction with someone, especially with just me and the other interviewee... (Sigh...)

And then, today is the day of interview. I woke up earlier and can't really sleep due to the butterflies in my stomach. After a few hours or so, when it was close to the interview, I got even more nervous. I pondered on, 'What kind of interviewee will I get?' 'Will it be one who is friendly or a strict one?' 'What if I screw up my interview?' Upon arriving the venue of the interview, I came early thus had to wait for a while before I was called for. In the end, the interviewee explained the job to me and asked some questions regarding my resume before some Q&A session and then, it was over. It was kinda fast; faster than an Oral exam but I was relieved! Finally, that ordeal of an interview ended and that's another thing lifted off from my chest! 

Right now, I await their call. If they called, it mean I got the job and if not... Then, I just got to find another then!

Moving on, UPDATE NEWS FLASH! After about a month time, I've finally finished... PHASE 1 of the new manga! 

A total of 29 pages- I must say it is quite an accomplishment for me to do so much! Currently, the drafts are done which is phase 1 and the most tedious one... I've started phase 2 which is quite simple; just making the marks for the border of the manga. Below will be the details of each phase I will carry out for each chapter of this manga project!

PHASE 1: Drafts of the manga- In H pencil
PHASE 2: Markings of the border of the manga- In 2B mechanical pencil
PHASE 3: Outlining of the border of the manga- In thick marker pen
PHASE 4: Outlining of the drafts- In sharp and thin pen
PHASE 5: Erasing of the pencils marks
PHASE 6: Adding the shades

In total, there will be 6 phases. Right now I am at Phase 2 which can be completed in one day. Phase 3 can also be done in a day but subsequently, the other phases may take a few days. All in all, I'll try my best to finish it by the end of the month! To add on, there will be an author's or rather artist's notes at the end of every chapter!

With chapter 1 done, I think I'll take a break and think of the next chapter. Meanwhile, I'll work on Tales Project that has no progress until now... (sigh...) In the meantime, I may draw an one-shot or two. One of which is the phone game I am currently playing, Brave Frontier. I feel like drawing the beginning of the game...

With that, I'll end off now. This is Will signing off! Ja ne~

Dark~

Accel World- A great light novel series that I only find out until now...

I planned to write this on the previous post but decided not to extend the post even longer.

Lately I've been reading Accel World light novels and was frustrated that the translation stopped at volume 5 but it kind of rekindles my love for writing again. I may write again though again no promises.

In addition, I can't help but link Accel World with Brave Frontier Arena Mode. Earning points to go to the next rank for BF Arena Mode is quite similar to how Accel World players fight to earn burst points for level up or acceleration. Whenever I enter the Arena Mode, I enter with both preparation of a win or loss. The only difference is that I've no control of my units and neither do my opponent's units. All I can do is to put my faith in my units and believe that they'll win!

Besides that, in volume 5 of Accel World, Kuroyukihime said to Haruyuki that she is proud of him after a fight with him and Haruyuki cried, saying it was the first time someone said that to him. Upon that reply, I realized that I too have no one ever said to me that he/she is proud of me or anything. If one day, someone does... I think I may be moved to shed a few tears.

In that aspect of Haruyuki, I think I find myself quite similar to him. He hate losing for fear of being abandoned since he experienced divorce at a young age. While I too fear being abandoned or even more being not needed... That's why though I am always alone and loves to be alone, I still dread for partnership... I think such fear of mine will be part of the design in my avatar creation if Accel World exists.

It's amazing how much a single light novel series can bring, especially one that you can relate to! And with the, I'll signing off now and see ya in the next post! Ja ne~

Dark~        

Feeling rather pressurized...

It is nothing much but I can't help but fear that my days are coming to an end. I'm not talking about my death or anything but rather the time I'm left to enjoy... Currently, I am feeling pressurized of the need to work and then to apply for University. And this pressure slowly turns into fear that I once have overcame like whether the course I take will be the right choice... The feeling of everything moving so fast is making me crazy that I'm worried I may not be able to cope... I wish I can become young again but that is just impossible.. If only time won't go so fast... Sigh... This feeling is even worse when I was in my final year of college education, preparing for my major exams... I wish I can find a person to talk to about and he/she is one who understands... Well, at least getting this out of my heart by typing kinda improves my mood a bit...

 This may be my own thinking but I think that with matters like finding a job, doing the application forms coming at me, I find myself having a lot to do and they are not straight forward; there is no definite way of doing. And thus, I find my time running out. With other personal stuff I want to do, this feeling intensified even more... Don't know whether I said before, I find joy in drawing. With time flying away, I feel that I'm losing time to do what I like, drawing. In the past, I worried that if I don't draw for long, I'll lose my touch and then there goes my talent! My only talent that I take so much pride in from young until now! Because of this, I'm feared that one day my short-sightless will turn into blindness and take away my talent... In my college days, I reduced my drawing time and was fine with it as I was more worried about my studies at that time but now... With free time, I've a lot of time yet it is not much... Time just passes very fast for me... There are still so much I want to do... Sigh...

Sorry for the ramblings... Lately, my emotions are in turmoil that I find hard to resolve and seek the need to pen down. A little small update- the new manga I am doing will have its first chapter done soon as the drafts are almost done with a few more pages to add. That's only the first stage but the longest. With how my time is limited, I think I will speed up and finish it by end of March though no promises...

I think that's all for today then. With all the stuff, I'll update less but the monthly update of Tales Project will remain updating unless said otherwise...

Dark~