[Ramblings]: Outlet to vent...

RAMBLINGS- DO AVOID IF U HATE UNNECESSARY VENTING-OUT! (THIS IS NOT AN UPDATE...)

Just nid a while to pen down my thoughts. As it is, right now, it is about 8 more days to my first paper. All quiz results have been received and if you followed my twitter, you more or less know the situation.

Not sure what to feel but for two of my core modules I took in this semester, I did great; I guess above my expectations! But the same cannot be said for my the other 2...

One of the two was demoralizing enough when I was the only one in class to fail the assignment(luckily the tutor gave another chance to redo) and then I've to fail the quiz(again...) Sigh... It really made me lost my confidence there yet the nature of the quiz kinda scream unfairness since it's computer type of quiz which means only final ans r taken into account... Sigh... I know I am being a sore loser here... But I kinda get over it and determined to do better in the finals! However... The other one mod really hurt me on a whole new level...

When I did my quiz 2 of that mod, I didn't know my quiz 1 result so I was confident I will do well since I do get the basics and stuff. However... Guess I was living in my own fantasy world when my tutor told me my results... It was a knife stabbed right into me when I saw the score for quiz 1... Can't help wonder what really went wrong(the same thought I had for the other mod quiz that I failed) yet I can't know since they don't return the quiz paper... Sigh... Failing once was saddening enough but I gt to face another when I gt my quiz 2 result today... Same score... As if I am glad I did not drop... Just exactly where I went wrong???? I want to know so badly in order to move on but I can't with the circumstances!

And I kinda understood y in some drama, ppl can only let go after knowing the details of the truth.- It's the same as exams, quizzes, tests, you gt bad marks. Fine but I want to know the why and how! Before I can admit defeat! I think that's y until now... I couldn't really let go and was really gloomy for the whole day...It's affecting my other modules, definitely.

Once again, I'm really trying not to be a sore loser by blaming on the quizzes yet... B'cos the quizzes that I failed are all cos the quizzes only take into account of the damm final ans! I mean there r ppl who r able to do it. Fine, I admit it but I am certainly not those b'cos I believe I'm not perfect.-I may make mistakes and it's impt to know if it is a major one concerning the basics, theories or just careless mistake of missing out stuff! Sigh...

What's done is done... I really lost a great deal of my confidence in the two modules and now, I'm worried of being confident in my the other 2 modules b'cos I'm worried my confidence gng betray me again... Sigh... I wonder how did I feel everything will be fine in yr 1? Sigh...

That's pretty much my ramblings for the year and semester... Need a outlet to vent out a bit... Guess I'm the type that bottle up everything and exploded when I can't hold it anymore which I'm feeling now; guess it was too much for me to wake up early for school and sleep late.- I was holding on without knowing and right now... I couldn't do it anymore; I'm tired and that made me lost motivation to study and just want to rest like there's no tomorrow... I'm gd at holding on but I never knew the built-up will be so bad... It serves as a gd experience for me and better manage myself in the future... Right now, slowly trying to make myself 'healthy' since sch's ending soon so no more early days but it also means finals r coming... Sigh...

I will do an update soon(likely to be after finals) on the blog but I'm always around on insta and twitter~

This is Yaiji signing off~ Ja ne~

Yaiji