First post of 2022; look back 2021 and 2022 resolution

Been a long long while. Planned to write something before 2021 but my laptop went CMI and had to be sent for repair...

I got it back today, thus writing this post~

So, a little look back to 2021:

I would say the only special thing is that I started Genshin in July 2021 after months of watching my bro play(lol).

But the last 2 weeks of 2021 were quite eventful, in a negative way since many things fell apart like my laptop, my spectacles and the UV lamp for my pet terrapin... And, I also bid farewell to an old friend who had been my source of emotional support since young (and now I'm facing a bit of withdrawal symptoms but getting better adapting to it:)

Lastly, I would say time move without a care... Like if you are struggling with life, time still moves; it is not gonna stop and that's hard and tough to gasp, especially if you are just going through the motions in life and that life is limited...
What's suck the most is that you see your life been wasted away but yet you can't do anything about it cos you are lost and out of energy/motivation...

Then again, waste is a subjective matter since it can vary, depending how strict you set it to be...

Just like that, another year wasted passed and I am older by another year(lol).

I had thought of what my resolution will be for 2022 but I couldn't come with a concrete one.

It is a simple wish for myself to love myself more but how to measure it (to know if you achieve your resolution or not), I don't want to set anything; it can be anything like putting my needs above others yet at the same time not hurt others... Which is hard since I tend to avoid conflict so I compromise myself in the process and say ok with a 'smile' while dying inside a bit.

^It will be very hard to break that shell of thought but I want to try. Life may be short, it is still a long walk. And if I want to continue walking, I need to learn to love myself more.

Before ending, here's a summary of art of 2021:

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^ I will be posting on my pixiv soon and also the works shown here- it's been a long while since I updated my Pixiv (^^;) The works are already in my Instagram~

Until next time, happy new year and wish this year will be a good year without too much (bad) change!

Yaiji

PS: Suck to know it's back to work tomorrow-.- Was a nice 7-days break taken(despite the series of incidents) in the last two weeks of 2021 but it's back to the work routine and tomorrow will be hectic with two meetings...

Started Genshin Impact and it may be a bad idea...?

About a month since last post but want to pen some thoughts especially after starting Genshin Impact during the start of this month (3rd July 2021).

Before starting the game, I had planned to get a new laptop/desktop to replace my old one which has been with me since my uni years (and that is about 6 years and counting...)

While sourcing for the new machine, it was a pain as the cost of it isn't small thus hard to decide... In addition, realised Genshin requires a certain graphics requirement, makes it worse.
In the end, after spending almost the whole day, finally decided on one which exceed my budget much but I believe it is a good investment.

Installed Genshin on the same day that I bought the machine and well, the open world concept really drew me in and I was quite interested to explore every part of the world than do quests or proceed with story(lol). However that was also when it started... My addiction, sigh...

^I was like a child who found something interesting that I can go on for hours, playing it. And the fact that there are tons of things to do in Genshin does not help much either.
As such, I was sleeping later and I suppose it shows as my sibling mentioned that my eye bags were getting worse- though I don't see the difference, I do notice the decrease in my energy and concentration which can affect much in my daily job and work...

I tried much to control but fun times just make you forgot about reality, especially when reality can be tiring to deal with... 

But in the end, reality is the real one here and no matter how great the game can be, one should never forget what is real.

Anyway, I suppose the control should be easier(?) now, considering that I am a bit burn out from the game and at a loss of what to do next- which surprisingly (but also not) is much faster than when I am playing Arknights...

That about it; a small update on my recent life- needed to pen down my thoughts since it had been nagging me a lot.

Until next time, this is Yaiji signing off.

Yaiji~

PS: Another reason I was more addicted was cos I got my fave, Kazuha (which is also why I started during that time, lol)- Was quite surprised since Genshin rate isn't very good! Currently, he is my main dps- I understand that he is seen as either a support or sub-dps but to me, he is decent as my main dps~

2 Months Since Last Post

Was editing a little on my Youtube channel, especially as I upload more Arknights contents; welcome to check it out from here, and thought of updating a little here as well~

^Did some edits on my profile and the blog theme.

Read up some of my old posts and man, it was nostalgic while recalling the events!- Guess I'm glad I didn't delete this blog, lol.

Some updates since last post where 2 months had passed:

First post of 2021 (lol)

Been a long while since last post(in October 2020; close to 6 months...?)

Life had been the same; tiring but events (and occasional surprises) kept it colorful. And these events do help me look forward to waking up each day which is something that kept me going:)

However, there are times I wished these events come faster and ended up becoming impatient, and well, kinda tire myself up from trying to speed things up when they are not meant to be rushed...

I suppose these events are similar to drugs; they bring colours to your life and you feel alive again.

However, that is only until the events ended and then, you are back to the same dull life. Even worse, the aftermath feel more dull as you got hyped up so much during these events... You start seeking more of such events to replace this hollow feel. 

It became a chase for more exciting events until you burn yourself up... People did say life is like a marathon than a sprint; if one is constantly running, he/she is bound to exhaust him/herself and reach the 'finishing' line earlier than others...

Though I understand that much from what I wrote above, it is easier said than done. While it is true that, constant chase of events would tire me faster and I should pace myself instead, without these events, it can be tiring to live life as it is...

To be honest, the lack of motivation to try so much things also caused the current situation of seeking events than me creating these events instead... The vicious cycle...

While I understand that I need proper rest, both physically and mentally, I feel that the only way I can truly rest and recover is when I quit my job yet I may be wrong- And this is part of reason why I had not acted on it despite ppl saying health is more impt than work...(Then again, who and how did the society form in such a way where money is such a necessity...) 

Yet, I feel that maybe I should really quit my job since I made a bad mistake and the longer I stay in a job that I have lost my interest in, would just result in me doing more harms than good... Sigh...

For now, I am just going through the motions of life, while looking forward to events... Aside from the lost interest in the job, I am still ok with the current work load (but in last month, it was quite hectic with much stuff to rush... Now, seems better:)

Moving on from life updates, I am still playing arknights and the game (global version) had its first anniversary in December 2020. And, I was glad I managed to get both rate-up 6* in the banner, esp for W- Kept spamming rolls until she came in the last 10-roll! (However, I was depleted of gems to roll for thorns... Sadly, lol)

It was interesting to read about my last post of how I was going to e2 myrtle and nearl, and m3 their s1. And, yes I did e2 and m3 for both of them!

Of course, not just that, I have e2 quite a number of operators since my last post (and m3 some of their skills~). As of now, I have 27 e2 operators! Currently, targeting 40 e2 operators for the medal accomplishment~

In addition, I am proud that I managed to do risk 18 for both CC#1 and CC#2! Looking forward to the next one(which is likely after chapter 8 release...)

From the last event, Maria Nearl, I am glad that I got Blemishine without using too much tickets and have much (and hopefully) sufficient gems for Rosmontis and Mudrock banner...

Another 5 days to go for chapter 8 release!

That is about it. As for the new account created for art, I had scrapped off the idea(as it was tough managing two accounts-.-) I am sticking back to my old twitter and instagram account to post art(if any).

At the start of year, I had started working on a 'standee' series of arknights characters. The characters are drawn full-body, in outfits from their official art. As of now, I have drawn and coloured Mostima, Exusiai and Texas(latest). While, I have drawn Hoshiguma and Lappland designs but yet to colour them. Due to how tired I get, I decided to at least colour one work per month...

Here's a lineart work of both Mostima and Exusiai: (I will upload the colour version at a later time;)

 

Until next time~

PS: My thoughts are quite jumbled while writing that I wondered if I should even publish this post... For my future self, I decided to...

Updates since around 2 months(from my last post)

 It's been a while and want to pen some thoughts after around 2 months since my last post.

Seemed like the current virus situation is getting better for my country so maybe the norm would return soon but caution is still much needed since it just needs one infected case to destroy this current improvement...

Regarding work, recently, took two days of leaves to rest (since travel is pretty much still dead...) and with more work responsibilities from much ad hoc roles assigned (especially when your colleagues just taking you for granted...), the 2 days rest/break really help. 

And during the rest, my definition of happiness has changed to just being able to find the time to do what I want to do... 

I mean with work piling up, given my colleagues, supervisors and boss expectations, it's just hard to even find any breather from work; since when you thought you are done and can just rest a while, your colleagues just decided to add in new stuff or edit more stuff, leading to more work which they are not the one doing but me so in a way, it's easy for them to say...
And, when they thank you for the work done, only to add more, the thanks given felt sarcastic... 

The worst is when they expect the work to be done fast when the work can't be rushed... It's stressful that you just want to call it quits...

I suppose the lack of understanding from colleagues can really tire you out much and when your explanations are not getting through them, that is when the real horror can start... Sigh...

Maybe it's also cos I already lost interest in the work I am doing and the company I am working for, work is getting unbearable for me each day yet for the money (which the more I used it as a motivation, the more I hate how it is binding me to my job), I stayed... 

But I really dk when I may reach my boiling point of tolerance but hoped I don't and leave before I do... Cos I would not know what I may do when that day comes...

Aside from the depressing adult life of work, still playing arknights and am proud that I managed to clear all rewards from the last CC, barrenland, as well as the recent event, Ursus Childen event. It showed the progress of how I could not complete all stages in Ancient Forge to being able to do it for the other events after~
I would say risk 18 of the perma map of CC#0 gave anxiety but the satisfaction of clearing it was awesome!

Given that a new CC will be coming in mid-nov, need to rush promoting some operators and m3 some of their skills! The current top priorities are e2 Myrtle and Nearl so as to m3 their s1!

In addition, had been working on an art to commemorate my playing since I started in June~ Will likely put it as either my half-anniversary of playing or put it next month(if I do finish early, haha^^;)

^Occasionally, I do sketches of arknights, especially for MostiExu and LappTex (since I don't have them except one-.- Hope they come one day...) And I post those sketches on my art account in twitter, ArtYaiji~

^Not sure if I did mention but I created a new account for art so that I have more freedom(?) to post my work:)

That is all I guess. Penning and venting my thoughts after a long while seems like a good way to destress as well~

Yaiji~