6 Months since Work...

It's been quite a while since I blogged- with work at hand, it felt like there wasn't time...

It was like a routine; wake up for work, work, get back home all tired after work without much energy left than relax by watching the TV, playing some games or reading some books before sleeping... And, the routine continues until the weekends... In which you just want to rest from the fatigue accumulated from the 5 days of work and before you know it, the weekends are over(and the dreading weekdays are back...)

And, that was the life I had for the past 6 months...

To be honest, I wasn't sure I could last for 6 months cos this routine was making me quite depressed that I had thoughts of whether it's worth living if this is the life it will be for like... 20-30 years down the road... Cos if this is how life is gonna be; working for the sake of money to survive, I rather not live to suffer...

I'm sure at this point, people will be thinking I'm naive, pathetic, selfish for giving up so easily and thinking this is suffering; when there are worse sufferings out there that people would want to die but can't...

But that's them and this is me... And I kinda hate myself for it; for being a weakling to get depressed over such things and thinking of death as the easy way out... Sigh...

People said not to think too much and I tried live my life each day while not thinking about it... But that's just avoiding the issue; I know I have to face it or else one day, all the thoughts kept inside will just explode and I wouldn't want to know what I will do...

As of now, I think it's best I take a break from work(which I am; in my march vacation- looking forward to it:) and de-stress a little so that I can last a bit more before I finally hand in the letter...

Just maybe I need a job change; cos this job is kinda damaging my mental and physical health... At this rate, I doubt my body can last long; whether I like it or not...

That's just some ranting cos I really need some outlet to let out... Some art updates:

1. YohaRiko 31 Moments
   
   
   Managed to finish it before the year and had uploaded them(in batch of 5 per week) to my deviantart account(You can see here~)
   
   
   Currently, 25 works are uploaded and next week will be the last!- Will be uploading to pixiv(& maybe insta) once I work on the cover...
   
2. [Revue Starlight Fanart]: Promise Tower
   
   Finished it around two weeks ago- so far only uploaded to my insta.
   ^Thinking of uploading the work to deviantart after uploads of [YohaRiko 31 Moments] are done~
   
3.  Kurosawa Dia Birthday Fanart
   
   As mentioned from previous post, I decided to do a theme-based birthday fanart series for Aqours members!
   The theme is based on the arcade design of the members!
   
   
   Source: Insta || Deviantart
4. Kagura Hikari Birthday Fanart
   
   Decided to try do birthday fanart for the kukugumi members(from revue starlight)! So starting from the Jan baby, Hikari(my fave~), will be doing a fanart of each member; based on the phone game designs! And the design chosen will be of the design I have in-game of that character!
   
   
   Source: Insta || Deviantart
   
   And next up will be... I think Kaoruko...? Not sure if there is a Feb baby...?

That is all for the updates on my art stuff and as well from me^^

This is Yaiji signing off~

Yaiji~

Art updates- goodbye 2018~

It's been a long while- had wanted to make one last post before 2018 ends but was working on the last day of YohaRiko moments! In addition, had work in the morning...

Updates on my art progress:

I've finally finish YohaRiko moments of 31 days which I actually started back in August... With work at hand, the freedom and energy to draw just got reduced drastically...

I'm glad I managed to finish before the year ends:) Likely to start posting from next week; after I send for scanning(which I hope the quality would be better... Should have used a better and white-pages book instead-.-)

Following that, I am currently working on a revue starlight artwork- as of now, outline is done with some touch-ups to work on before colouring! Hopefully, I can finish before Jan 9...

^Updates can be seen from my twitter & insta~

Lastly, I'm also working on a small manga which started off as a simple doodle of ChikaRiko for ChikaRiko day(Nov 3rd). Currently, I've done about 15 pages where I'm having some difficulties concluding the story-.-

Beside these current work-in-progress, I'm thinking of doing a theme based birthday for Aqours; similar to that I did for U's of the arcade ver 2(which I loved it a lot~)

Again, similar to U's, I'm thinking of using Aqours arcade ver for the theme(love the blue & design~)

That said, I've yet to work on Dia's bday^^; Will try finish it(or at least get the draft out by today...)

Ending this post with a summary of art of 2018:

Template (already posted on my deviantart~)

It wasn't easy to find work done in Nov and Dec since I was working on wips so there wasn't many completed works; had to make do with doodles^^;

Overall, I think there is definitely improvement from last year but I believed it can be better:)

In addition, I did quite a fair bit of compilation; starting from FateXLoveLive to Aqours Pov(which actually got into pixiv ranking:) and then ChikaRiko 30 days challenge to the latest, YohaRiko moments of 31 days!- I enjoyed working on them a lot & think will be seeing more in 2019;)

That's it for now; likely to do a self reflection post of 2018 & resolution of 2019 in another post~ Also, the jp trip posts... I haven't forgotten but just... There isn't much time with the fact that I'm working on weekdays... Will try get it out soon^^;(before my next trip...hopefully...)

This is Yaiji signing off!

Yaiji~

PS: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

[Updates] Struck in hell

Following from my previous post, I managed to see some light in the following week...

But just when I thought I could get out with a few more steps, I was thrown back; with the light still there and visible but further from me...

I kept telling myself, "press on; it's just a few more steps to the goal!"
However, I do not know, when did a few more steps becomes a thousand mile...

At one point, I just want a rest and not think about it- which are the times when I end work or during the weekends...

But the constant, daily life of going to work reminds me that I am still in this hell and I am never getting out of it...

Unless I switch(to another 'hell'...?) There is this uncertainty that I may gain something if I stayed long in this hell and all these that I am going through are just the trials...

People think working in the company(that I am working in) is a blessing yet I think as hell; so I thought maybe I don't belong there...?
People said you should find a job/work that you will like since working gonna be part of you for a long time...
But just thinking that the pressure to meet demands of the people from doing what you like, it may just turn what you like to what you hate... Which was why as much as I want to venture into art industry(or choose art in University), the chance of me hating the art stopped me...

It's a huge conflict that I'm lost as to what I want... People said to build your career from young but how do I when I don't even know what I want... And, I hate working or rather the concept behind working...

Sigh... As of now, I don't think I will last long but I will try last at least until my probation(which is 6 mths) Tbh, I like to try last till the end of the project but with my current mental and emotional state, I doubt I have the motivation or strength to last that long; especially if I'm lost as to what I am doing in life...

All these negative thoughts are affecting my work performance; I would come to work and stare at the computer while hoping everything just burn away and leave me alone...

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Just a bit of art update:

YohaRiko 30-themes challenge is slowly progressing; currently, at day 20~

^At this rate, think I can finish before the year ends~

Oh and I never did say but unlike ChikaRiko, I imagine YohaRiko more in fantasy au...

To me, ChikaRiko has more of an emotional feel, thus most of the themes are based on realistic situations... And, I tend to think of myself as like Chika^^;(maybe cos I can relate much to her...?)

While for Yoshiko/Yohane, I can relate a little to her, in terms of her wanting to be unique, special... But that's it.

Her as Yohane persona is a little hard to relate but I don't dislike it; instead I grow to like it>^<

And, maybe b'cos of that persona, I think more of the fantasy au for YohaRiko...?

Regardless, it's fun drawing YohaRIko(XD) As of now, I had already done...

1. Fate Grand Order_servant AU (day 2)
2. Shoujo kageki revue starlight AU (day 5)
3. Witch & Familiar AU (day 10)
4. War AU (day 12)
5. Ninja AU (day 13)
6. Fate Grand Order_master AU (day 15)
7. Ghoul AU (day 16)
8. Phantom Thief (day 20- latest~)

^Quite a number of AU done and will be doing more~

Beside the different AU, a small series of manga was started; with day 9 as first part. The second part is day 17. I think I will end the series in another one or two parts... 

That's all then! Until next time, this is Yaiji signing off!

Yaiji~

[Update] 2 months into work life...

Had wanted to blog to vent a bit but was really busy for these few weeks; with work in the weekdays and events in the weekends...

And finally. got a bit of the time to blog a bit.

So, 2 months into working and I think working really does not suit me... B'cos work means being realistic to demands of the audience... It's never gonna be about what you want but what the people want...

You can still add in elements of your individuality inside your work but at the end of the day, the work will be prioritized to people's wants and needs; b'cos that's where money comes in... And that's the purpose of work- to earn money from people by catering to their needs and wants or else who would pay you money for your work?

As someone who prefer to do my own stuff, it's hard to adhere to this rule... Worst of all, at one point, I just lost my purpose in doing the work and feel that my work is meaningless, and question...'Just what am I doing in life...?'

I had no answer to that qns and I think I never will; unless I'm finally doing work that I want to do... ^But that's not gonna happen; as long as the rule of prioritizing audience/customers/people needs and wants is there...

For the past few weeks, I had been feeling lost, frustrated and depressed... First, the program I'm working on, has some incompatibility with another program, thus giving problems in integrating both programs... Tried my best to resolve it but alas, no fruit was bear... It became a big problem when this integration must be done and in a few weeks time...

Upon hearing this dreadful news, I panicked and felt stressed out to the point that I broke down and kinda cried everyday...

But crying isn't gonna solve the problem... After some discussions with my supervisor, I see some hope in resolving the problem since there are new methods to try...

While I am feeling a little hopeful and maybe excited to try these new methods, there is a tint of fear that what if my hope is misplaced... and since there isn't much time, I can't afford not to resolve the problem by the next week...

Sigh... For better or worse, I can only hope and gamble that this new method is the solution or at least a leeway from this situation...

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And that was me being pathetic and complaining venting out^^;

A little update on my art work:

Finally, all works of [ChikaRiko 30 days challenge] are uploaded to deviantart(after a month or so); I have consolidated the works into a folder for easy viewing:)

A big thank you for all the support given!

Currently, I'm working on YohaRiko 30 days challenge. Unlike ChikaRiko's, it's just going to be me drawing when I've the time but it will still be 30 different themes of YohaRiko^^

Progress as of now is at Day 13. Most likely doing another one today so that coming October, the other half; day 15 onwards can be contributed to inktober:)

I'm hoping I can get this challenge done by the end of the year(so that I can work on other stuff~)

Next, in celebration of Riko's birthday:

^Had uploaded to deviantart 

This is a continuum to Chika's and here's a combination of both:

My current twitter profile pic~

Did something simple for my faves so as to focus on other aspects(like the colouring, etc.) And, used colouring pencils to colour than copic- easier to shade since you can control the gradient~

Lastly, I'm thinking of working on an illustration(A3 size...?) of Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight(and maybe print on shirt or something)... The series actually started last year with the stage play(which I dk if I should buy the blu ray to watch...) The anime started this year's summer and ended this week- it was nice char intro to people whom didn't watched the stage play but are interested in this series!

^I quite like the fight scenes! And, my faves(before watching the anime) are Karen and Hikari. After watching, think I like them all; or rather I don't have any particular characters that I am into cos they all have personalities that are unique and interesting(lol)

It's kinda the same for the voice actors- they are all interesting and funny(esp Maho san and Aiba san during their midnight revue!) 

These are the art updates for now- with work at hand, art is a luxury for me(tho I do doodle while I'm bored at work, lol)

Until next time, this is Yaiji signing off!

Yaiji~

      

[Update] September

Time sure passed fast and it's September- 4 months before the end of the year(didn't notice until my family pointed out...)

It had been a month since I started working. It was tough(still is, btw) at the start(the transition from University to working life...) but slowly getting used to it.

^I'm just glad that I'm seeing some progress; though I'm still far from completing my task...
One step at a time to avoid the unnecessary stress from building up- I mean there is the uneasiness of not meeting my task requirements by the deadline but I have decided I would do what I can and try my best to deliver... 

Plus there is no point pondering about the possibilities of failure when they only give you nothing but worry and fear which will just hinder you...

Well, that was just me trying to be positive despite fearing for the worst but really, there is no point thinking too much(whether it's the future or the past) but do what I can in the present.

And this post was just me trying to convince myself to believe in myself and be positive^^; At this rate, if I'm adapting well, I may just stay on till my project is over- I mean time sure passes fast & a few years will be over in a blink of an eye; that is if I don't get deemed 'unfit' to meet the expectations...Sigh...

Okay, let's move on(before it turned into another depressing one...)

Art updates:

Started another 30-days-challenge for YohaRiko last week. Unlike ChikaRiko, will be drawing when I have the time so it won't be consistent but I will my best to do at least one per week... Currently, the progress is at day 5.
The artworks will be uploaded to insta-story and twitter- They may not be the final works
but they won't differ much from the final ones; likely just small changes/edits made^^;

Next, I just uploaded the works I did so far from March to August to Pixiv. And the works are aside from the ones I did for ChikaRiko 30 days challenge so it's quite a small compilation^^;(plus was quite busy from March to May due to University...)

Afterwords

That will be all then.

I will try get my post of my jap trip out soon(tho I kept procrastinating...)

Until next time, this is Yaiji signing off

Yaiji~

PS: didn't plan to post this post & closed it... But apparently, blogger saved this post and I just continued writing and the initial thought was history(lol)