~9 Months into working...

First Reiwa post~

So, it had been about 9 months since I started working on this same job and while the last jp trip helped to relief some of the... Stress and maybe burnout, it was just a momentary relief...

When I was given this project, which was a hand-over from another, I wasn't having any expectations.
However, upon working on it, I started to get irritated and frustrated as I had no prior knowledge in web design or whatsoever...
In addition, there wasn't anyone I can really turn to- my supervisor did help in giving advice but that's about it and I can understand- in the working world, you must be independent...

The learning curve was quite steep and the deadline given by my supervisor wasn't helping much... It was stressful that I dreaded coming to work... My friend even advised me to tell my supervisor about not having skills to work on the project...

Tbh, I like to give myself a chance to try before I throw in the towel... And, programming isn't too far-fetched if you've some programming skills- the syntax is almost similar with slight difference(which can be daunting... Like the semi-colon in C when you're used to python...)

But, web design is... A combination of a few languages; javascript, CSS and html... I'm just glad that the back-end is written in python which I'm familiar with- helps a little(but the structure takes a while to get used to tho...)

CSS and Html weren't too bad but the amount of terms, classes, attributes can be overwhelming... And to make it worse, there are like two libraries, materialize CSS and bootstrap and they are mutually exclusive...

^I wouldn't even know about these libraries if not for the fact that my recent assignment was to integrate a few modules, done by others, to the project I am working on... And that few modules were using bootstrap while the project was using materialize CSS...
It was a lot of work, especially when I really have no experience working with either of the libraries... A lot of the help was thanks to the internet yet it was really a draining and stressful period for me as I lived with constant fear of not able to do the integration...

That said, I somehow managed to do it but even so, that does not ease up my fear- Fear that I can't accomplish my next task... Because if I can be assigned a task that I have zero experience, I fear what other tasks can be given...

In addition, web design is not really what I wanted to do(but I can't deny that learning it is not interesting- would say "fun" if not for the stressful learning circumstances...) I had wanted to go into machine-learning...

Lastly, my health... Had waist pain due to long time spent on sitting which is the nature of my job... And with the fact that I do not know how to take break, makes it worse... Had acupuncture to help a bit but the pain is still there and to think I'm only in my early twenty... Feel like an old lady... 

All these factors are just making me dislike the job and quit it... But my supervisor is nice(even though I hated the task assigned...) and I suppose that is one of the 2 factors making me stay- the other is the fact that it won't look good on my resume if I quit before 1 year for my first job... Sigh...

It's really a dilemma... Reading online doesn't help- tho there was one advice that struck to me; your body don't lie; if you dislike, hate it, that's a signal- why would anyone willing to do something they dislike/hate...?

It's hard to find a job you really love since at some point in time, due to nature of the working world, that love will just turn into something you came to hate... Or maybe... it's just me being too difficult in working for someone...?

That's just my ramblings to vent out my feelings to my job... At this rate, I may just end it all in this year...

This is Yaiji signing off

Yaiji